For a long time I have been (and still am) afraid of my own feelings. Scared to feel anything and if I do I put it back on myself in a not-very-nice-to-myself way.

Struggling looks different to everyone and since I was young I’ve been pretty good at covering up what I’m really feeling / going through. Acting like everything is just fine, when it’s not.

I know that a lot of that is internal healing that I am currently working on with my therapist. We have just doubled my therapy sessions so my biggest focus at the moment is learning to feel my feelings. I’m telling you this because I think it’s soo very important to talk about so I wanted to bring you along for the ride.

I think sometimes when I’m feeling a bit ‘meh’ I go on social media (I know I shouldn’t but I do and believe it is because I’m running away from feelings because as above- I’m terrified of them). I see other people, these incredible people with amazing stories about how they overcome all this adversity and struggle everyday. And I think well my life isn’t that bad so why do I still feel like this. I have a body that allows me to do that things I love, so why do I feel like this. I have a family and people around me who live me, so why do I feel like this? 

I know I can’t solve this for you but for me I know that I just need to allow myself to feel. To trust that I will be very okay what ever feelings come in and validate myself for feeling them. I know that I must remember that no one else’s struggles or journey changes or diminishes what I’m going through snd what I’m feeling!

So today, I will allow myself to feel and as for tomorrow, well we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

One day at a time.

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